And I Forgot to Tell You That I Love You
by ProcurerFaith
Summary: Repost. Branches Story 01 - TK is looking through photographs, some of which are pictures of Matt, who is lost to him. He regrets many things but perhaps most of all, he regrets not telling his big brother that he loved him.


_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own Digimon. All Digimon characters are owned by Toei and A. Hongo and such. I am making no money from this fic. It is a just-for-fun project. The only bit I own is my own characters and the way the words are put together. _

_**Author's Note; 16**__**th**__** June 2008**__ – So much for putting up all the fics in reverse chronological order :-P Remember, edits may not quite appear as you remember them, as I'm hashing together the beta and the original uploads. I do not plan to come back and amend this work (if I start picking holes in it, I'll never stop XD)._

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_**And I Forgot to Tell You that I Love You**_

I have lots of memories. These photographs only help me to remember them more clearly. Let's see…

There's the ones from summer '97, when Mom took us both on vacation. Oh, and this is the one Tai took at the mall… You know, when we were in the burger bar? I know you'll remember it, because you nearly gave Tai a black eye.

I'm surprised he didn't want to keep it for himself. But he seems to find it easier to get rid of things that remind him of you. I guess different people react in different ways, but he'll probably regret it later.

Aaaaaand…Mom's pics from the album she keeps in her dresser drawer. The really embarrassing ones where I'm two and you're five and she used to show everybody? I confiscated them because she started to show them to everybody even more when you were gone.

And then there's the whole group of us together. You know, the one on the beach. All of us. The last pic we had taken as a whole group- the Digidestined and the Chosen Children.

And sometimes there are photographs I'm just not allowed to see.

I know where those ones are, though. I _have _seen them even though I'm not supposed to. And I know why Dad took them. I think I even understand.

But there aren't photographs for every memory I have.

My memory of that day is very clear. I remember getting up in the morning, as usual- a normal day. Patamon was yelling at me because I'd overslept again, and I was ignoring him. I was trying to get dressed, eat breakfast and pack my schoolbag all at once.

"Come on, squirt, you're gonna make _me _late, too!" You protested. I nodded and said yeah, sure, I'd be ready in a minute. You sighed and said,

"Yeah. _Sure_ you will." I made some comment about how giving me a hand would make me faster. You rolled your eyes.

"Now _that's_ a good excuse."

But you helped me anyway. Like you always did. I'd like to think I never abused you, though. I'd like to think I never took you for granted.

But I know I did.

You always made the _best_ packed lunches. You made me one that day, so I didn't have to do it- probably because you knew I wouldn't bother if I didn't have time.

I didn't mean to yell at you on the way to school. I didn't mean for it to sound like I was trying to lecture you, or upset you. I didn't mean for it to turn out like that. I didn't mean to get into a fight with you. And I really didn't mean for what happened.

I didn't mean to make you leave.

How did we get to that point anyway…?

"Matt, Gabumon needed you and you weren't there! How many times did he save your butt!?" I yelled, looking at you. You couldn't look me in the face, and just tugged your backpack higher on your shoulder.

"I couldn't help it, TK! I didn't know he was in trouble, okay?"

"Then if you spent more time with us and your Digimon than you do with your band, we'd all be better off." I said, haughtily. I hated the look that you gave me then.

"I _didn't hear it_. I couldn't hear the digivice's distress signal." You reiterated. Some part of me could understand that; when the band practiced, it practiced loud. I knew you were telling the truth- but it didn't stop me feeling angry. I don't even know why I brought it up that morning- I knew you were feeling bad enough about it already.

"_I_ had to go into the Digiworld and save _your _Digimon." I informed, looking away. I sensed the snap of your temper a fraction before you stopped and turned on your heels to face me.

"You think I don't care that I wasn't there to help Gabumon when he really needed me?! You think I don't _care_ what happens in the Digital World just because I'm not a 'chosen one' anymore? You should know better than anyone that if I'd known he was in trouble, I'd have been there!"

"Yeah, I know, but-"

"No! I mean, I know I was a strange choice for the crest of friendship, and I still go as far as to say I didn't deserve it. And I just _proved_ that last night, didn't I?"

You were really hurt. I never meant to hurt you. I couldn't think of anything to say as you looked at me.

For just a second more you looked into my eyes- before you turned and walked away in the direction we'd just come from. I wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind.

I thought to call out to you. To stop you. To make you stay. But I decided I was still too mad at you to bother. I scowled as I watched you stomp away. Then I turned myself back to the direction of school and started walking.

By lunchtime I was damn miserable. We never fought. Never. Not like that. I couldn't remember the last time you lost your temper with me that way.

"TK? What's wrong? You've been moping around all morning." Kari asked me. I turned to her and said,

"Nothing. Just a little fight, that's all."

"Not Davis again?" she sighed. I shrugged and shook my head.

"No. Matt."

"Matt? But you two never _fight_." Kari looked surprised.

"I know." I replied, digging in my bag for my packed lunch. I finally found it. Opening the box, I rediscovered how thoughtful you could be.

Inside was a little note, which said 'Look in the front pocket of your backpack.' Kari saw the look on my face as I read it.

"What?"

"I don't know…" I replied, honestly, unzipping the front pocket of my bag. I swept my hand inside and it connected with something can-shaped. I pulled it out of the pocket and laughed.

"What?" asked Kari again, more intently.

"Mom's on a health kick- she won't let me drink full-sugar soda. And the diet stuff stinks." I replied, holding up the full sugar cola. "Matt's given me his."

I put my head back and wailed.

"Oh, now I feel even _more _guilty about fighting with him." I said, feeling a sad little scowl creep across my forehead. Kari smiled.

"Well, why don't you stop whining about it and give him a call? He's probably as miserable as you are."

"Maybe." I sighed, thinking of our argument again.

Kari was drawn out of our conversation by the ring of her cell phone. I carried on munching as she spoke.

"Hi Tai…Yeah?…No, we were just talking about him…He's not?" I guessed Kari was talking about you, so I waved my hand at her. Getting her attention, I indicated for the phone.

"Hang on Tai, TK wants to speak with you." Kari handed me the phone.

"Tai? Are you talking about Matt?"

"Yeah, TK, where is he?"

I paused.

"You mean…he's not with you?"

"No. Should he be?"

"Yeah. He should."

"Well, he isn't. Nobody's seen him all day."

I put my lunch down, now too worried to eat.

"Well then, where is he? We both left my place at the same time."

"Did you split up at the normal place?"

I think Tai sensed the worry in my pause this time.

"TK?"

"No, we didn't. We…fought. He stormed off in the other direction. I don't know where he went."

"You two guys _fought_?"

I was grieving over the fact that I hadn't called you back. That I hadn't shouted out that I was sorry and made you come back to me. This was before I even _knew_…

"He's not answering his cell phone either." Now Tai's voice was worried.

"Well, try again." I insisted. "I'll try, but he probably doesn't want to talk to me."

"Was it that bad?"

"I didn't _think_ so, but…"

"Okay. I'll try again. Put Kari back on, will ya?"

"Sure." I replied, passing the phone back to Kari.

Digging again in my backpack, I searched for my own cell phone. Finding it, I dialled Matt's number and waited.

"The NTT phone you have called may be switched off. Please try again later."

"That doesn't sound good." I said to myself as I looked at my phone, which rang off as soon as the message had finished. "It sounds broken." Suddenly, gazing at the display on the phone, I noticed the mailbox indicator was flashing. Kari had finished her conversation with Tai and she looked at me, a little worried frown on her face.

"Any luck?" she asked.

"No. And I need a new phone- when it's in my bag the reception's really bad. I have messages."

I dialled my pick-up number and listened as the computerised voice went through the motions.

"Welcome to the NTT voicemail service. If you would like to hear your two new messages, please press one." So I did. I didn't like what I heard.

"Message one"

"TK, call Dad as soon as you get this message." I heard Dad hang up.

"Message two"

"TK, you need to call me, now."

I took a deep breath and felt my heart burn, not with any heat- but with frozen coldness. Something was wrong. Dad sounded…wrong. That's a really bad description, but it was nothing I could set a brand to. He just sounded…_wrong_. Like something was just_ very, very wrong_.

Kari must have seen the look on my face.

"What? Is it Matt?"

"No. It's Dad."

I got up off the table I was sitting on.

"I'm going outside to call him." I said, sensing that this was probably not a conversation I wanted to have in a classroom full of loud people.

"Let me come with you." Kari said, concerned. I just nodded.

Outside the classroom was a little quieter, but still not as quiet as I would have liked. I searched the corridor for a room with nobody else in it- the science labs were normally a good choice, because nobody was allowed in them without supervision.

Kari followed me in. We didn't speak; somehow she knew it would be good to stay silent. Hesitantly, I called up Dad's number on the display and pressed 'ok'.

It rang.

And it rang.

Then it stopped ringing because someone answered it.

"Dad?"

"TK?"

"Yeah, it's me. What is it?"

"Where've you been?"

"M-my phone was in my bag and the signal's really bad in there- I didn't hear it ring." I could feel myself getting worked up already. I was so nervous- what could be so bad that Dad would leave messages like that on my phone?

"I'm coming to pick you up from school, TK."

"Why?" The response was immediate.

"I'll tell you when I get there." I heard Dad's voice break, and I didn't know if it was the phone or him.

"No, why are you coming to get me, Dad? What's happened?"

"No, TK. Not over the phone."

"Dad, you have to tell me! What's happened? I _know_ something's happened…" I could feel panic constricting my throat, making it hard to breathe. I was brought from my gradually in-growing world by Kari's hand on my shoulder.

There was a long pause. I knew Dad was still there. He was just finding it very hard to get the words out that I demanded from him.

"It's Matt."

"What's happened? What's happened to Matt?"

"He…was…hit by a car on the way to school this morning."

I didn't know if I was breathing anymore.

"He didn't make it."

"Didn't make what? Didn't…I can't…" I stuttered, refusing at first to believe that you could have been taken away from me.

"Matt's dead, son"

"Oh, no…no no no no…" I moaned, feeling all the strength go out of my legs. I had to sit down on the floor before I fell to it. Suddenly I felt myself totally taken over by pain and anguish.

"No!! It's not _fair_!!" I screamed, sobbing into the phone. I let my hand drop, because I didn't have the strength to hold it up anymore.

"_No!!_"

By this time Kari was in front of me, her eyes desperately seeking answers from my face. I just kept sobbing, unable to do anything else. I couldn't move, I wasn't even knowingly taking any breaths between sobs. I couldn't speak to her, I couldn't tell her about you…

"TK, what is it?

"Is it Matt?

"TK, you have to talk to me. What's happened?" She was worried out of her mind.

"'s _dead_…" I fought, trying to speak through lips that wouldn't move. Her face creased too.

"Oh…_God_, TK, I'm so sorry…" She wrapped her arms around me as I brought up my hands to my face, wanting to hide away behind them, wanting to make the whole world go away.

"I'm so sorry…"

Poor Dad was forgotten in the moment. When I could move and reached out for it, the phone was dead, too.

Why didn't you see the car? What were you thinking of? Was it me, and the fight I made us have? Was it all the things I said?

Would it help to know I'm sorry? Would it help to know I'm crying now?

Probably not. I can't change anything that way, I know I can't.

But it's something I can't help doing.

I want you to _be _here. I want you to tell me I'm stupid, and to stop crying because it's okay and it doesn't matter- like I know you would.

But it does.

And you can't.

I'm looking at more photographs now. You know, the contraband ones. The ones of you in the hospital bed, about twenty minutes before you died. They're horrible. I hate them.

I can't help but be entranced by them, though. You look really sick- so sick in fact, that if I look long and hard enough, it doesn't look like you anymore. Bits of tube and machinery and all that stuff…

I still have trouble coming to terms with why Dad took them. He had his camera- you know, the one he always carries in case anything interesting ever happens- and he took them with that. He took pictures of his dying son spread out in a hospital bed. Eventually, though, I began to understand.

It's his one last look. His one last look to remind him of how much he failed- or thinks he did. He thinks about it a lot, I know he does- if he'd offered to give us a lift to school that morning, if we'd stayed at yours instead of mine, that kind of stuff. All the 'what if's' that I feel too, only _I _have more reason to feel them.

I was so mad at first. I was _so mad_ at the driver of that car. How could he hit you, how could he not see you? Then Dad told me it was _your_ fault. That the driver didn't stand a chance, because you'd just _walked out_ in front of the car. And at first I wouldn't believe it.

How could I believe that my perfect brother would make such a fatal mistake? How could _you_ have been so stupid? How could _I _have been so stupid? How could I have upset you so much, oniichan? If you had been with _me_ you'd never have had to cross that road. If I hadn't upset you, you'd have been concentrating on what you were doing and not what you were thinking. If we hadn't fought, you'd still be here with me.

Way I see it, it's _my _fault you died. I'm somehow _responsible _for your death. _I _started the argument that made you go. We _never _argued. We _never _fought like that. People _admired_ us because we didn't and the only reason we could ever give them was that we didn't live with each other, so didn't get a chance to argue so often.

The funeral was…tiring. For everybody. Even Mimi came over from America to be there.

I was a mess. When I looked at myself in the mirror that morning, even I didn't recognise me. The black outfit didn't help. I looked pale anyway. I'd never worn all black before. I didn't want to wear it- but it was for you, so I did.

Come to think of it, Tai didn't look so hot, either. He took your death almost as hard as I did.

It was cold and dank and horrible that day, and it really summed up how everybody felt. I just kept looking into the grave and wondering if you were still mad at me. Thinking about how awful my last memory is of you. How my last memory of you is of you walking away from me, mad and upset. How your last memory of me would be me yelling and making a scene about something you already hated yourself for.

I wonder if I'm the last thing you thought of? Or is that too egotistical?

After the funeral was over, at the reception, I slunk off into my room. I couldn't cope with all the people being around me. I really wanted to be alone with my grief. Eventually though, there was a knock at the door. Tai being Tai, didn't bother to wait for an answer. He stuck his head around the door.

"Hey, TK. Can I come in?"

"No." I replied sullenly.

"Okay. Well, I'm coming in anyway."

"Fine." I didn't turn around from my place in the bed. I was covered up and warm, but only in body. My spirit was as cold as ice. Tai walked in and sat on the bed beside me.

"You okay?" asked Tai, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shrugged, and replied honestly,

"No. I just buried my big brother."

"I can't…I can't understand how hard this is for you, TK. Matt was my friend- my best friend- but he wasn't my brother." I didn't answer. What sort of reply could I give?

"Have you…tried talking to Ken about it?" Tai spoke again. I made the best head shaking motion I could, given that my head was shoved in a pillow. "He might be a better person to do it… You know, his brother and all…? He might have some idea what you're going through."

"No. He doesn't." I replied.

"He might know better than you think."

"No. I don't want to talk to anyone." I was too busy wallowing in my own self-pity.

"Then I think the best thing you can do is just that- talk to people. In fact, I'm gonna call the others in here." Tai immediately got off the bed.

"No, Tai! Don't!" I yelled angrily, almost leaping out after him.

He ignored me, and at that second I saw in Tai what it was that always annoyed you about him. The fact that what he says goes, that he always knows best. Although I can admit now that he did it for my own good.

When the others all walked in, I hid under the bedcovers. I didn't want to see them.

"Go away." I sulked, my voice muffled.

"TK doesn't want to speak to anybody." Tai informed everybody, with a hint of mild disdain in his voice. I poked my head out from under the covers and glared at him- then turned away again.

I felt the indent on the bed as somebody sat down beside me. I heard Mimi's voice.

"We're your friends, TK. We're here for you. And we miss Matt too." I didn't reply.

"Besides, Matt'd be so mad if he knew how upset you are." Tai assured.

"Would he? Are you sure?" I asked, my voice thick with bitterness.

"Of course." Izzy said. "And he'd beat Tai up for not helping you out of your depression more." There was a small show of grins at this comment; I could sense them. Even I felt a little smile tug at the corners of my mouth. Then suddenly, Izzy's comment sunk in.

Depression? Is that what this was? This… feeling of empty hopelessness that I'd never felt before in my life? I ached all over- emotionally and physically. I'd never felt more lonely or distraught. My whole life was happy- until this point. Sure, there were ups and downs, but this was the lowest down I'd ever experienced- or ever hoped to.

I felt another indent on the bed, but could see this person. I looked up as Joe gazed at me, his glasses in his hands. He was cleaning them on his shirt.

"He was mad at me…" I whispered. Joe looked hurt.

"He's not mad now." He said softly.

"No." I uttered. "But I wish he was."

"Heck, TK, I'd take a punch on the nose from him right now if only he were here to give it." Tai said quietly.

I felt tears prick my eyes and buried my head under the covers to hide them.

I sensed more indents in the bed as the others all began to sit down. I felt a hand rest on my arm.

"You know what I loved about Matt?" Tai asked. I got the feeling the question wasn't aimed at me- in fact, that it wasn't aimed at anyone.

"I loved that look he used to give you. That sideways look. You know, the one that said 'I'm really just humouring you'. I used to get that look a lot." I heard Kari giggle.

"That's because you need to be humoured so much, brother."

I winced at her words.

_Brother_.

"You know, I always loved that harmonica. I don't really have a musical bone in my body, so…well, I was always a little jealous of it in Matt. But he proved he could do much more than a harmonica." I heard Joe's voice. I even sensed a little smile in it.

"For me, it was that beautiful smile. When he decided to give it." Sora's voice this time.

"Yeah. _When_." Smiled Joe. "He didn't give it often enough."

"He wanted to." I whispered, throwing back the covers again. I felt the room's eyes on me.

"He just…forgot _how_." I gazed up at Tai. He nodded sadly.

Tai turned away from me and looked across at the redhead of the group.

"What about you, Izzy?" He asked. Izzy looked taken aback for a moment, then his expression changed to one of deep thought.

"Me? I guess… How deep the crest of friendship was in him."

There was a silence. I felt tears in my eyes again, but I wasn't going to ruin this homage to you- this open-hearted comment on what you truly were. Instead I gazed around at a sea of awkward faces- faces that couldn't give a response to that comment.

Eventually, Tai said,

"Good call."

He turned to me as I sat up in the bed, knees raised, but still under the protection of the covers.

"What about you?" He prodded gently.

"Just that living and breathing thing." I sniffed, halfway between a smile and a hiccup.

"Yeah. I think we all loved that about him." Joe said. There was another silence.

"You know what I _didn't _like about him?" Tai grinned suddenly. I looked at him, questions in my eyes.

"That short fuse of his." Tai said, poking me in the ribs. "What did you _think _I was gonna say?" I smiled and shrugged, wiping my eyes on a corner of the bed sheet.

"Don't know." I replied, mumbling into the bedcovers.

Joe rubbed his chest.

"Did anybody else feel the same way about that laugh? You know, in a good way. That was a bad connection…"

"You mean the 'Tai's being an idiot' laugh or the one that covered everything else?" smiled Kari. Tai grabbed her and tugged her head under his arm, trying to mock-smother her with his black- suited sleeve. I even grinned at that comment.

"I think I should take this jacket off." Said Tai suddenly. "Yeah- everybody? Take off your black jackets. Sora- you're excused, you're wearing a dress." Tai tugged at his jacket sleeves, eventually pulling the coat from around his shoulders.

He watched as the boys in the room took off their jackets- bewildered.

"That's better. Looks like a funeral in here or something."

"Um, Tai? That's because it _is_…?" Davis said, then instantly regretted his words. His cheeks turned pink very quickly with shame.

"I'm sorry." He said to the room full of people who had just turned on him. "I'm sorry, TK."

I just shrugged- even letting a momentous occasion like him getting my name right go over my head.

"Doesn't matter. S'not as if you're lying." I said, as lightly as I could.

"You okay, squirt?" Tai asked, turning my face around so that he could see my true expression.

I suddenly felt another wave of grief, but this time it brought a friend- anger. Just a little, but enough for me to say,

"You're not him." I couldn't help it. That was what _you _always called me, oniichan. I couldn't let anyone else call me that- that name wasn't meant for anybody else to use. Tai looked sad.

"And I wouldn't even try to take his shoes, TK. Seriously, I wouldn't. I'm sorry- it was the wrong thing to say."

I just nodded, crossing my arms on my knees and placing my head firmly into them.

"Are we doing you any good, TK? If you don't think so, we can just go?" Joe said softly, no anger or malice in his voice, just genuine concern. It was at that moment I realised what great friends we have. I couldn't let them think it was for nothing that they came in here.

"No. Stay." I croaked.

And they did, too. We spent an awful lot of time talking about you and stuff. I wonder if your ears were burning? I don't remember what time it was by the time everybody had gone- it was late, I know that much.

They all had good stuff to say about you, Matt. All of the friends that you doubted, all of the people you weren't sure could care, cared much more than you could ever have realised.

Tai was the last to go, and he even stayed to make sure I was in bed and ready for sleep.

"I'm sorry, Tai. For snapping at you earlier." I felt the sudden need to apologise. I realised that bad words weren't something I wanted to part on- something I learned from what happened to us. Tai smiled at me and shrugged.

"Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have…I knew it was a sensitive thing, I shouldn't have said it."

"I know you weren't trying to take his shoes."

"His shoes were way too big for me anyway." Tai grinned.

"Stop trying to make me feel better. I know you're hurting too."

Tai paused whilst picking his jacket up off the floor. He dusted it down before replying,

"Yeah. I am." He glanced up at me, and then looked back at the jacket.

I saw him wipe his eyes on the back of his hand for the first time that day.

"Tai?" I said, lifting my head from the pillow.

"I'm sorry TK." I heard his voice shake.

"Don't keep it in, Tai. Matt did that and look where it got him." I comforted. Tai sat down on the bed.

"All that stuff I said was true, you know. I didn't say anything that I didn't feel. I just…feel bad because I didn't say any of it when he could hear it."

"Who says he can't hear it now?" I said, suddenly. It wasn't until a few seconds had passed that I realised I truly believed what I had said.

Because maybe- maybe if I believed that, I could believe that you heard me crying, I could believe that you heard me when I said how sorry I was.

Almost as if Tai could read my mind, he said,

"It wasn't your fault, TK."

I paused, before what Tai had said sunk in.

How _dare_ he say that? How _dare_ he try to take my guilt away? It was all I had left, he couldn't just walk in and take it away, it was _mine_. He wasn't there, he didn't know what I did, what I said. He didn't know how hurt you were, he didn't see the look on your face, he didn't watch you stomp away, only to be _hit _by a _car_.

"You wouldn't know." I hissed, astounded at how angry the noise was. By the look on his face, so was Tai.

"TK, I know you didn't-"

"You _don't _know. You don't know what I _said_." I replied, my face hard, but my voice slightly softer than before.

"I know that you were _not _driving that car, TK. I know that Matt _wasn't_ looking where he was going, and that was his _own fault_."

"Don't say that!" I cried, my hands instantly going to my ears. Tai pulled them away, looking directly at my face. His expression was dark.

"What? You don't want to hear the truth? You don't want to hear that your brother was an idiot?"

"No!" I screamed, feeling uncontrollable tears fill my eyes and fall down my face. Tai grabbed my face and shook it.

"I don't like that thought either, TK, but it's true! _Nobody_ was to blame for Matt's death but Matt! Nobody could have stopped him- you _know _when he was like that there was no getting through to him! I know it hurts right now, but the hurt will go away. It will. It'll fade and it'll get less and less…"

"No, it _won't_…" I sobbed, my hands held so tight over my ears that they were beginning to hurt.

"Okay, so it won't go away. But every day that passes it'll get less and less until you can remember him without hurting." Tai's voice was urgent but soft. "Please, TK, you have to believe me…"

"No…" I sobbed, collapsing into Tai's arms, my hands still over my ears, sobbing as hard as I could.

"I'm sorry, TK" Tai said. "I'm sorry for the truth. Because it hurts like hell." I just kept sobbing.

"_Why? Why did you say it!?_" I screamed, somewhere beyond out of control, I think. I was pounding his back with my fists and crying wildly. I was so out of it, it wasn't even funny.

"TK? TK, listen to me. Look at me. Look." Tai pulled me off of him and turned my face to his. I couldn't see any more, my eyes were too swollen. I could hardly breathe.

Tai's face was wet with his own tears.

"Regardless of what happened- regar- TK, look at me…" I kept looking away- trying to put my eyes anywhere but on the face of this person telling me what I least wanted to hear.

"No matter what happened or whose fault it was or wasn't- I knew Matt well enough to know that he would never- _never_- want you to be this upset. Dammit, TK, he'd smack you himself if he could see you this way. And you _know _I'm right."

"Nnnyes" I said, hardly able to speak after my tantrum.

"Yes." Tai reiterated for me firmly. He swiped his hand across his eyes.

"See? And I was doing so well until you started up." Tai sniffed.

"I'm sorry." I hiccuped, my small smile making my face feel as though it were split in half.

I held tighter to Tai as we cried and hoped that you wouldn't be mad I'd turned to him again. When I told Tai about that, he smiled and said he was sure you wouldn't care- that in fact, you'd probably be glad somebody had taken me in hand.

I'm still trying to cope with it all. With your death and everything. The…guilt won't go away, I know it won't- but Tai making me face up to it all helped me more than I like to admit.

The first step is getting rid of these photographs. Not the good ones- not the ones that remind me of you the way I should be reminded- but the bad ones. The ones in the hospital.

They're now all cut up on the floor.

Dad's not gonna love me for that right away, but he might eventually.

I miss you.

I always felt safe with you around. It's like when you're in the dark and you're scared and you just need to hear one voice and that one voice is your big brother or sister, you know?…

No. I guess you didn't.

I needed to hear your voice. I still need to hear it.

I have my memories and stuff, but it's not the same.

And, you know what?

You know what one of the saddest things was?

When I thought back on it, when I thought about all the moments I remember spending with you, there was something I couldn't ever remember saying.

And I feel so stupid, because physically the words are some of the easiest in the world to say.

But they also carry the most weight.

You'd have probably laughed at me, too.

Or maybe you wouldn't.

And I looked back, and…

And I forgot to tell you that I love you.

_-fini-_

_Thank you for reading to the end :) Hopefully you were entertained a little by my fic :)_


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